When the pandemic started, doctors around the world experienced a mix of intense emotions and challenges. Here are some of the most common feelings reported during that time:
1. Anxiety and Fear
Uncertainty about the virus:
The initial lack of knowledge about COVID-19, particularly regarding its transmission dynamics, treatment options, and overall impact, created significant anxiety among doctors and healthcare professionals worldwide. One of the critical uncertainties during those early days was understanding the virulence of the virus—its degree of harm or pathogenicity.
Virulence plays a central role in determining how likely a pathogen is to cause disease, how severe that disease might be, and how easily it can spread. Without clear data on COVID-19’s virulence, doctors faced a daunting challenge: they were dealing with an invisible threat whose behavior was not yet fully understood. Would it result in mild symptoms in most people, or would it devastate entire populations with severe illness and high mortality rates?
This uncertainty compounded the fear and stress, as doctors had to act swiftly to treat patients while grappling with limited evidence about the virus’s characteristics. The situation was further complicated by the varying presentations of the disease, ranging from asymptomatic cases to life-threatening conditions like severe respiratory distress, which made assessing the virus’s virulence and its overall danger even more complex.
In those early days, every observation and clinical decision contributed to a growing body of knowledge that would eventually clarify COVID-19’s virulence. However, during that critical period of uncertainty, the lack of understanding felt like navigating uncharted waters, amplifying the pressure on those tasked with saving lives.
Fear for personal safety:
Fear for personal safety was a pervasive concern among healthcare workers during the pandemic, as the risk of contracting the virus and potentially transmitting it to loved ones loomed large.
Many of my colleagues took extraordinary precautions to protect their families, including meticulous routines like taking a bath at the hospital before heading home and showering again upon arrival. These practices were particularly crucial for those with young children or elderly family members living under the same roof, as the thought of inadvertently exposing them to the virus was unbearable.
For me, living alone in a four-bedroom apartment, the fear of infecting others wasn’t as immediate, but the anxiety of falling ill remained constant. Compounding this fear was the shortage of personal protective equipment (PPE) during the early days of the pandemic, which forced healthcare workers to reuse or improvise safety gear, further amplifying their vulnerability.
This sense of exposure and uncertainty created a tense and emotionally draining environment, underscoring the sacrifices made by those on the frontlines to protect both their patients and their families.
Overwhelming risk of exposure:
Working on the frontlines during the pandemic meant being in direct, daily contact with COVID-19 patients, significantly increasing the risk of infection for healthcare workers.
Each shift brought an invisible threat, as doctors, nurses, and other staff navigated overcrowded hospitals and emergency rooms filled with individuals seeking care. The virus’s highly contagious nature added to the pressure, with every interaction—whether administering treatments, conducting tests, or offering comfort—carrying the possibility of exposure.
This constant proximity to the virus required not only vigilance in following safety protocols but also an immense emotional toll, as the fear of becoming infected and potentially spreading the virus to family members loomed large. The threat was compounded by the shortage of personal protective equipment (PPE) in the early days, forcing many to improvise and reuse gear, further heightening their vulnerability.
Despite these challenges, frontline workers persevered, driven by their commitment to save lives and provide care to those in need, often at great personal risk.
2. Overwhelmed and Burned Out
Sudden influx of patients:
The onset of the pandemic brought an unprecedented surge of patients to hospitals, pushing healthcare systems to their limits. Emergency rooms were flooded with cases, ranging from mild symptoms to critically ill patients in dire need of immediate care. This overwhelming influx strained both resources and personnel, leaving doctors and healthcare workers grappling with grueling schedules and the immense mental strain of providing care in a high-pressure environment.
To manage the chaos and ensure better coverage, we adapted by altering our shift schedules. Overlapping shifts were introduced to ensure there were enough staff members to handle the increased patient load effectively. The goal was to provide continuous care while covering all critical areas in the emergency department. These included Priority 1 (P1) for life-threatening cases, Priority 2 (P2) for urgent but not immediately life-threatening conditions, Priority 3 (P3) for patients whose care could be delayed, the Trauma Unit, and the Plaster Section for orthopedic care.
Interestingly, a significant portion of the cases during this period fell into the P3 or outpatient category. While these patients were not in immediate danger, the sheer volume of their cases required constant attention and careful triaging to prevent delays in identifying those who might deteriorate. Managing the P3 area posed its own challenges as it became a bottleneck for non-urgent care while also serving as a space where undiagnosed or mild COVID-19 cases could potentially spread to others.
Despite these efforts, the emotional and physical toll on doctors and staff was immense. Balancing the need to deliver quality care with the sheer number of patients required not only endurance but also adaptability and teamwork. The P3 section, often viewed as less critical during normal times, became a vital area in the pandemic response, reflecting the broad and evolving demands placed on the healthcare system during a global crisis.
Emotional exhaustion:
Witnessing loss and suffering daily took a profound emotional toll on many doctors, especially when patients passed away despite their tireless efforts to save them. This reality was painfully evident not only in my own workplace but also across the nation and around the globe, as highlighted by news reports showing overwhelmed hospitals and grieving families.
The sense of helplessness that came from watching lives slip away, even after exhausting all medical interventions, weighed heavily on healthcare workers. Each loss felt personal, a stark reminder of the limits of medicine in the face of a relentless pandemic. Over time, this relentless exposure to suffering led to emotional exhaustion, compassion fatigue, and in some cases, burnout.
Yet, even under these trying circumstances, doctors continued to show up, motivated by their duty to care for others and their hope of saving the next patient, a testament to their resilience and dedication in the face of unimaginable challenges.
3. Determination and Responsibility
Sense of duty:
The pandemic brought unprecedented challenges, yet for many doctors, it also reinforced their profound sense of duty and commitment to helping others.
Despite the fear, exhaustion, and personal sacrifices, they felt a deep responsibility to step up and serve their communities during a time of need. The crisis reminded them of the very essence of their calling—to save lives and provide care, no matter the circumstances. This unwavering sense of purpose became a driving force, motivating them to face long hours, mounting patient loads, and emotional strain with resilience and determination, even in the face of uncertainty and risk.
Resilience: adapting to unprecedented challenge
The overwhelming situation of the pandemic tested the resilience of healthcare workers, pushing them to adapt quickly, learn new protocols, and remain strong for their patients despite the immense pressure.
For me, one of the immediate challenges was the anxiety of wearing an N95 face mask for extended periods. The thought of using it for eight straight hours initially made me apprehensive, as I feared it might cause discomfort or even a sensation of suffocation. N95 masks, classified as respirators, are designed to filter at least 95% of airborne particles with a mass median aerodynamic diameter of 0.3 micrometers.
While essential for protection against the virus, their use often led to complaints of respiratory difficulty and discomfort among healthcare workers, especially during long shifts. Yet, despite these challenges, we adapted, finding ways to endure and persevere, knowing that these protective measures were vital for our safety and the safety of those we cared for.
This adaptability and resolve became a cornerstone of resilience for those on the frontlines.
4. Helplessness and Frustration
Limited resources: A global challenge in the Pandemic
The COVID-19 pandemic exposed significant gaps in healthcare systems worldwide, even in nations with abundant wealth and advanced medical infrastructure. Despite being well-resourced, many countries struggled with the sheer volume of patients overwhelming emergency rooms and intensive care units. Doctors and healthcare workers often found themselves facing critical shortages of essential resources, which left them feeling powerless in the face of the crisis.
One glaring issue was the lack of emergency room beds and trolleys. As the influx of patients increased exponentially, hospitals quickly ran out of space to accommodate them. Patients who needed urgent care often waited hours or even days for a proper place to be treated. Hallways, and waiting areas were transformed into care spaces, underscoring the desperate need for more equipment and facilities.
A particularly alarming shortage was that of personal protective equipment (PPE), which was vital for safeguarding healthcare workers from the virus. The global surge in demand created an international supply bottleneck, as manufacturers struggled to meet the overwhelming need. Many nations prioritized their own healthcare systems, leaving others to compete for the remaining supply. This disparity in distribution meant that even in resource-rich countries, PPE supplies sometimes ran dangerously low.
In our hospital, the scarcity forced us to improvise. When proper PPE was unavailable, we had to resort to using alternative materials, reusing disposable equipment, or extending the life of protective gear beyond recommended safety limits. These measures, while necessary, heightened the sense of vulnerability among healthcare workers. The fear of exposure to the virus was constant, as every improvised mask, gown, or face shield served as a reminder of the precarious situation we were in.
The shortages underscored a larger issue: global supply chain fragility. With international borders closed and production disrupted, the availability of medical supplies plummeted. Wealthier nations often secured priority in obtaining PPE and other critical equipment, leaving lower-income countries and smaller healthcare systems at a severe disadvantage. This inequity highlighted the need for a more collaborative and equitable global response to future crises.
The lack of resources wasn’t just a logistical problem—it was a moral and emotional burden. For doctors and healthcare workers, knowing that lives could be saved with adequate equipment but being unable to access it was a harrowing experience. It underscored the fragility of even the most advanced healthcare systems when faced with a global emergency and the critical need for better preparedness and equity in resource distribution moving forward.
Uncertainty in treatment:
In the early days of the pandemic, the absence of a definitive treatment protocol for COVID-19 left doctors feeling frustrated and powerless as they struggled to save lives with limited tools and knowledge.
Every patient presented a unique challenge, and treatments were often based on trial and error, relying heavily on evolving research and anecdotal evidence. The lack of established guidelines added immense pressure, as healthcare workers had to make critical decisions in real-time, often without knowing if their interventions would be effective.
This uncertainty not only heightened the emotional strain on doctors but also underscored the urgent need for global collaboration and rapid research to develop standardized treatments.
5. Isolation and Loneliness
Separation from loved ones:
Separation from loved ones became a painful but necessary choice for many doctors during the pandemic, as they sought to protect their families from potential exposure to the virus. The fear of inadvertently infecting vulnerable members, such as young children or elderly parents, pushed some to isolate themselves entirely.
I recall one of my colleagues expressing interest in renting one of the rooms in my apartment because he didn’t want to risk going home, fearing for his children and his aging father’s safety. Others took similar precautions, opting to rent separate apartments or live in temporary accommodations closer to their workplaces. While these decisions prioritized their families’ well-being, they came at a significant emotional cost.
The absence of familial support during such a stressful time left many feeling profoundly lonely and disconnected. This added layer of isolation compounded the mental strain of working long hours on the frontlines, making the pandemic not only a physical battle but also an emotional one for healthcare workers.
Reduced social interactions:
The need for physical distancing during the pandemic intensified the emotional burden on doctors and healthcare workers, as it cut them off from their usual support systems at a time when they needed them most.
Hugs, shared meals, and face-to-face conversations with loved ones and friends—simple acts that once provided comfort and strength—were no longer safe or feasible. This lack of connection left many feeling isolated, compounding the stress of long shifts, the pressure of life-and-death decisions, and the constant exposure to suffering.
Virtual interactions, while helpful, could never fully replace the warmth of in-person support, leaving a void that deepened the emotional strain. For those on the frontlines, this isolation was particularly challenging, as the relentless pace of work and fear of exposure meant they couldn’t even find solace in small gatherings with their peers.
The cumulative effect was a profound sense of loneliness, underscoring the unseen emotional toll the pandemic exacted on healthcare workers.
6. Gratitude and Hope
Appreciation for their role: a beacon of hope amid challenge
Appreciation for Their Role: A Beacon of Hope Amid Challenges
Despite the immense challenges faced by doctors and healthcare workers during the pandemic, one source of solace and encouragement came from the unwavering support of communities. People from all walks of life rallied together to express their gratitude, recognizing the sacrifices made by those on the frontlines. These gestures, both big and small, became a vital source of strength for medical professionals who were battling exhaustion, fear, and emotional strain.
I vividly remember how, during our shifts, we often received free meals. These were generously provided either by the hospital administration and HR departments or by various community groups and individuals. Each meal was more than just sustenance—it was a reminder that our efforts were seen and valued. Along with the food, there were often thoughtful touches that left a lasting impression, such as handwritten notes of encouragement. Messages like “Thank you for your hard work” or “We are praying for you” accompanied the meals, drinks, and sweets, lifting our spirits during those long, grueling hours.
The kindness didn’t stop there. Some groups donated essential items like face masks, hand sanitizers, and other supplies when they learned about shortages, ensuring we were better protected while doing our jobs.
These acts of appreciation were more than just gestures—they were a lifeline for many of us. Knowing that people cared and were rooting for us helped mitigate the heavy burden of the pandemic. It reminded us that we were not alone in this fight and that our role in protecting and healing others was deeply valued.
Such moments underscored the power of community during a crisis. They served as a poignant reminder that even amidst adversity, the collective strength and gratitude of people can create pockets of hope and light, sustaining those who carry the heaviest loads. These small but meaningful acts reinforced our resolve, inspiring us to keep going despite the seemingly endless challenges we faced.
Hope for the future:
The rapid progress in vaccine development and the unprecedented level of global cooperation during the pandemic offered a glimmer of hope to doctors who had been battling the virus under daunting circumstances.
For many, the rollout of vaccines signaled the beginning of a potential turning point—a chance to finally regain some control over a situation that had felt overwhelming and unpredictable.
Personally, receiving my first dose of the vaccine was a deeply emotional moment. I felt a small but significant sense of relief, a layer of protection I hadn’t had before, however minimal it seemed at the time. Though I knew the vaccine wasn’t an immediate shield against the virus, it represented progress, science, and humanity’s collective effort to combat the pandemic.
I quietly prayed that it would do what it was designed to do: protect me, my colleagues, and our patients. This renewed hope didn’t erase the challenges, but it brought a measure of reassurance and a reminder of the resilience and ingenuity that had driven the global medical community to find solutions in the face of a crisis.
The pandemic tested doctors like never before, but it also highlighted their resilience, dedication, and humanity. While the feelings were varied and deeply personal, the collective experience underscored the profound challenges and rewards of being on the frontlines of a global health crisis.
